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You’re seated at a restaurant, menus open, the waiter’s heading your way and before you can even glance up, your child pipes up to order for the whole family. It’s a scenario that can make any parent pause, but Scott Donnell, a parenting coach, sees it as a golden teaching moment.
Donnell’s “restaurant rule” encourages families to let kids take the lead at the table: ordering for themselves and sometimes even for others, making eye contact, and speaking politely with servers. In his viral Instagram reel (@imscottdonnell), which has racked up 3,600,000 views, Donnell explains that this simple ritual teaches children confidence, empathy, and social skills in real-world settings.
“It’s not just about food,” Donnell says in the video, “It’s about giving kids a safe space to practice confidence, empathy, and conversation skills. These small moments build social courage that carries over into life.”
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Building confidence through everyday interactions
Dr. Laura Markham’s book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids emphasizes the importance of fostering emotional connection and Communication skills in children.
While the book doesn’t specifically mention children ordering food at restaurants, it advocates for creating opportunities for children to express themselves and engage in everyday interactions to enhance their social and emotional development.
Encouraging children to participate in activities like ordering food or greeting adults politely aligns with Dr. Markham’s philosophy of building confidence and social awareness through real-life experiences.
Related: Why sixth grade is the year your tween’s confidence needs the most Protection
Parents on social media have been quick to applaud the idea:
The idea is sparking enthusiasm and conversation among parents who see the benefits firsthand. Social media users have shared their excitement, noting how this practice teaches children important life skills like confidence, communication, and responsibility.
- @raising7miracles — “Case study. This is awesome!”
- @maryl.thayer — “As a former server, this is AWESOME! I don’t care how long it takes, I was good enough at my job that my other tables wouldn’t feel neglected. I would MUCH rather have this than kids 3-10 years old not being able to look me in the eye and order for themselves. So many great life skills going on with this!”
- @stmotherhood — “Haha! I have a family of 8! I’m gonna try this and see how it goes. .”
Donnell encourages parents to blend learning and fun. Allowing kids to order for themselves or for the group also teaches manners, patience, and empathy, as they learn to consider others’ preferences while taking responsibility for their choices.
Confidence is nurtured in small, everyday moments. By letting children step into these real-life roles, whether ordering for themselves, introducing themselves to a server, or participating in family decisions, they build social skills, independence, and emotional resilience.
As Donnell illustrates, even a 9-year-old pausing to say, “Hi, my name is Reagan…” demonstrates the power of practice, encouragement, and trust in children’s abilities.
What parents can do to nurture confidence at home
Donnell’s restaurant rule is one example of how small, everyday experiences can shape kids’ confidence. Parents can create similar moments of leadership and connection at home by:
- Letting kids take the lead: Have them order at restaurants, pay at the counter, or call to make a reservation. These small acts build courage and communication skills.
- Practicing introductions: Encourage your child to greet neighbors or new adults with eye contact and a smile. It strengthens social awareness and self-assurance.
- Asking open-ended questions: At dinner or bedtime, skip yes/no questions and ask, “What was something that made you proud today?” This helps kids reflect and express themselves.
- Celebrating effort, not perfection: When they try something new, whether ordering food or presenting at school, praise their bravery, not just the outcome.
- Modeling Respect and kindness: Kids mirror what they see. Saying “thank you” to servers or admitting mistakes shows them that confidence and humility can coexist.
Related: Child therapist shares easy way to ensure your child’s inner voice is full of confidence
How small moments build lasting confidence
It turns out, teaching confidence happens in moments that feel almost ordinary. When a child looks up from the menu, takes a deep breath, and says, “Hi, my name is…” they’re learning manners, and more importantly, how to trust their voice.
As Donnell reminds parents, growth doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from participation. Each small act of independence, from ordering a meal to greeting a neighbor, gives kids proof that they’re capable.
And when parents resist the urge to jump in and let their child speak instead, something powerful happens: confidence takes root, one brave sentence at a time.
Source: Peaceful Parent.“How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.”