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When Eli Harwood, known online as @attachmentnerd, visited her 94-year-old grandmother in hospice, she expected another visit filled with quiet tension and careful conversation. For years, their relationship had been complicated. Her grandmother, who had lived through her own trauma, often dismissed Eli’s gentle, connection-based parenting. She would make comments about the kids being “too loud” or “too sensitive,” reminders of the distance that had always existed between how they saw love.
But during this visit, something shifted. As Eli sat by her bedside, her grandmother turned to a friend and said softly, “Have you gotten to see her parent? She’s having a lot more fun with her kids than we did.”
Those words, tender and unexpected, carried generations of unspoken truth. For Eli, it was a moment of grace: the kind that breaks through years of misunderstanding and leaves you changed.
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When empathy feels misunderstood
Many parents today know what it feels like to be judged for doing things differently. To let a child cry instead of scolding them. To explain instead of punish. To lead with softness in a world that still mistakes it for weakness.
Eli’s grandmother came from a generation that valued survival above healing. Emotional connection was a luxury few could afford. But research from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child shows that consistent emotional responsiveness helps children develop empathy, resilience, and secure relationships. What some once saw as “spoiling” is now understood as the foundation of lifelong mental health.
Still, choosing a different way to parent can feel lonely. It means accepting that the people who criticize you might be speaking from their own unmet needs.
Related: Beyond ‘gentle’: How today’s parents are blending parenting styles—and breaking cycles
The quiet grief behind her grandmother’s words
When Eli heard her grandmother’s confession, it landed like a soft apology for a lifetime of disconnection. She realized that her grandmother’s criticism had never been about disapproval, it was grief. Grief for the closeness she never had with her own children. Grief for the kind of joy she was now witnessing too late.
According to the American Psychological Association, unresolved trauma can echo through generations, shaping the way families express love or hold back from it. Many parents carry the emotional residue of their own childhoods without realizing it. When one generation begins to parent differently, it can stir both discomfort and healing in the ones who came before.
Eli’s story reminds us that compassion has the power to reach backward, mending pieces of the past that once felt too hardened to touch.
Related: You started as an egg inside your grandmother—here’s the mind-blowing science behind this generational bond
What people are saying
The comments under Eli’s reel have become a collection of shared healing. Parents and grandparents alike wrote about their own moments of reflection, grief, and hope.
- “Wow, I didn’t know that I needed that. Crying with you and feeling all the feels too Hang on with both hands and hope you get more beautiful moments ” — magschulze
- “You made me cry. Good tears, good feelings.” — csp19763
- “The most beautiful message for us and an extremely special moment for you what a beautiful perspective to cherish” — tangirlbunyaa
- “thank you for your words. i needed to be reminded how important i am in developing a positive self image in my two grandchildren who I get ready in the morning and play with in the afternoon.;)” — gradydresser
Across thousands of responses, one word echoed again and again: Secure. A quiet declaration of what so many are trying to build: homes where connection feels safe.
Related: Here’s to the grandmothers who have shaped generations of women and mothers
The legacy of connection
Eli’s moment with her grandmother became an invitation for every parent who’s ever felt unseen or second-guessed. The people who question your gentleness may be carrying their own unhealed longing. And sometimes, even late in life, love finds a way to speak through the cracks.
Parenting with empathy doesn’t erase the past, but it can begin to rewrite the story. Every time a parent chooses connection over control, they plant something new: a softer kind of strength, one that can outlast generations.